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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Psychiatric Survivors' LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
3:48 pm

I hope this might help someone.

Current Mood: content
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
5:06 pm
Manifesto "Dyudrok" (The new psycho-reality)
(New Experimental Art)

1. In connection with the so-called global crisis art movement "POP-REVOLUTION"
(with the partial assistance of ART-REVOLUTION) and the artist Artyom Suslov
as well as several other free artists decided to create and implement the concept of
promotion of new art "Dyudrok."

The essence of this art is to re-establish the own way of avant-garde and surrealism.
Dyudrok included any avant-garde and modern art with blurred boundaries of genres and
unlimited fantasy of the author.

At the moment, the world economic system as well as world political system infringe
on the majority of rights, freedoms, opportunities and even hopes of man.
In this regard, decreasing the creative capacity of most people because
it decreases the level and scope of vision as well as the hope of translating its
into reality. At the time of the current crisis, a simple man forgets about high ideals,
he dreams at a low level. Dyudrok must to protect people from objective reality.
We believe - the objective reality that is at this level of crisis can and should move to
second place. We have the right to push it into second place if we give to the man a
new reality, which will carry the title of "objective". what is now "objective" will take
second place, or just disappear for a man.

Accordingly, we believe that everyone, regardless of his religious beliefs, his status in
the society, and regardless of the sanctions, which in future could be taken against the
"Dyudrok" has the right to go to the new reality at any time, partially or completely .

2. In our view, any human rights organization and any commission or authority that
to deal with human rights have the obligation to protect the right of every adult
in the transition, partial or complete, in a different reality.

3. If the man who entirely gone in a different reality according with the laws of this reality
can no longer be capable - this is his personal decision as the new reality does not contradict
the existing laws and not causing harm to anyone. Neither does the campaign leading cause harm.
No one is obliged to support the individual's life in old reality when he left a letter of
advice (note) with the signatures of witnesses.

4. The departure of a reality, as well as assistance in this, not an injury to humans,
because the only thing involved in this process - the human imagination.
But imagination does not belong to the bodi, as well as the experiments of the imagination
is not harmful for the rights of mental functions.
Accordingly, there is no room for any regulations on the intentional infliction of harm or death to
humans. Also note that imagination is fully subject to his master.

5. Relatives and friends of man who passed away in a different reality have the right to challenge the
decision through the courts or through the human rights organizations and and demand to return
him to the reality in which they are located. In doing so, c. 5 is partly contrary to the core - 1 item,
and further debate on this soil can be resolved only in the mutual agreement of the parties.

6. As Dyudrok is not limited with anything and depends only on the human imagination,
it does not conflict with any law and religious customs.

7. For the same reason (not limited and opportunity
giving own properties) Dyudrok and concept its development
and its veneration is not any organization or religion
nor the political movement. Because Dyudrok do not have its own symbols and beliefs.

The author of the Manifesto is Artyom Suslov.
Art - Movement "POP-REVOLUTION"
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
10:37 pm
Hi there.
First of all, I’d like to introduce myself.
My name is Maria, I’m almost 20, and I’ve suffered from OCD since I was about 8 or 9. It’s gone through a couple of different stages, and I’ve got it mostly under control these days.
I’m currently studying Film Design, and am filming a short film, more even a conceptual video, on OCD. What I need is a couple of people who would be willing to talk about their experiences with OCD. You will not be filmed, it’ll be done by email, but I will need some very honest revelations, namely the thoughts that go through a persons head while they’re having an attack. You will need to be as honest as you can.

I hope that the video will help to raise awareness of OCD in Russia, where it’s being filmed, and also help people struggling through this problem to speak out, through anonymity, so others may understand what these people have to deal with every single day.

If your interested, please contact me here: 36degrees@list.ru
Monday, June 30th, 2008
12:34 pm
New Support Forum for people in the helping professions

Hello psurvivors!!!

We are writing to tell you about a new online support forum we have launched called 'Caring Souls'. It is a forum for anyone who needs somewhere to feel heard and supported. It is also somewhere where counsellors and psychotherapists and indeed anyone in a caring profession can come to support others, to support each other, and to meet other like minded people. We have built the forum and now would like to watch it evolve – it is you – the people who join and talk there, who will make it into a place that is safe, caring and supportive.

The founders are both passionate about counselling – one is an experienced counsellor in private practice and the other is a counsellor in training with a huge knowledge of therapy and mental health issues through her own experiences.

Please come and have a look round – you can tell us as little or as much about yourselves, can use your own name or a pseudonym, you can even have a link to your own website if you wish. We would welcome your input, your ideas and suggestions, as well as any articles or information that you think would be helpful to others. It is possible just to come in and have a look as a guest although joining allows you greater access to the boards (but that doesn't mean you have to commit to anything you don't want to do – there is no pressure). The forum is free to join.

Why not give it a try? - you will be given a very warm welcome!

Our web address is: http://caringsouls.proboards92.com

If you have any enquiries and would like to e mail us our e mail address is caring.souls.forum@googlemail.com

We look forward to having you on board!

With kind regards

The Caring Souls Team

Monday, March 31st, 2008
3:47 pm
A Diet That Has Helped Me
Well, I am bad at introductions, but here is goes. My name is Noah and I have suffered from autism and a host of other degenerative diseases for my whole life, due to a mercury-filled vaccine I was given as an infant. However, I recently started a new diet that has proven to be at least somewhat effective for me. The diet basically consists of cutting out all unnatural substances, such as artificial flavors and colors, but also many other substances that are labeled as natural, but are, in fact, as synthetic and dangerous as aspartame, just to name an example.

The substances I've avoided include corn syrup, which is actually an extremely deceptive label - corn syrup is a completely synthetic chemical, and even though it's made from corn, it does not occur naturally in any food whatsoever. Corn syrup actually is only a few decades old, and actually was almost outlawed by the FDA. However, the FDA gave into pressure from food industry lobbyists, even though research had shown that corn syrup is a very dangerous chemical that damages the entire nervous system, screws up blood sugar levels, depletes the body's nutrients, causes anxiety, irritability and fatigue, increases hunger and causes weight gain. It is a major cause of diabetes as well as obesity.

Other substances that I avoid now include:
*Wheat - very difficult to digest.
*Sugar - messes up blood sugar levels and depletes the body's nutrients.
*Cow's milk - very difficult to digest.
*Cheese (except for goat cheese) - even more difficult to digest than cow's milk.
*Canned foods - contain tons of toxins, nearly impossible to digest properly.
*Flour - this may come as a surprise, but it turns out that flour actually consists of the shell of grains. In other words, wheat flour is just the husk of the wheat seeds with the wheat germ removed, which contains most of the nutrition found in the wheat seeds. Eating flour is therefore about as healthy as eating a cardboard box. Sprouted grain, on the other hand, still has the whole grain, but breads labeled as "whole grain" that aren't made from sprouted grain do NOT actually have whole grains in them. Yet another deception by the food industry.
*Fermented foods - very difficult to digest, harmful to the digestive tract.
*All synthetic chemicals, like artificial flavors, caffeine, alcohol, etc.

Foods I've eaten alot of include:
*Cooked vegetables (except potatoes, yams, and other tubers) - very easy to digest, and high in nutrients and minerals.
*Goat milk - easy to digest, safer than cow's milk.
*Sprouted grains - actually the way nature intended them to be.
*Fresh fruits (but not fruit juice) - good source of safer sugars that don't metabolize too quickly and thereby screw up blood sugar levels.
*All foods I eat are now organic - pesticides in our food really do harm us!

This diet, as I said before, has helped me quite a bit. Psychiatric medications I am forced to take, however, just make my condition much worse, but this diet is completely safe, unless you happen to be allergic to the suggested foods. This diet is specifically suited to people like us, who have had very bad reactions to psych meds and need a safe and natural way to stabilize our minds and bodies. Try it out - it can't hurt, and might make a big difference in your life.

Best Wishes,

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
12:14 am
The neurology of post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD)
It has long been known that SSRIs sometimes cause permanent neurological damage to the pathway of physical sexual pleasure. It has not been understood exactly why this happens, except that it likely involves chronic depletion of serotonin from certain serotoninergic neurons, and consequent damage to said neurons. Ultimately, that must somehow reduce the binding of dopamine to D1 receptors (which is what causes pleasure). Due to PSSD's relation to serotonin depletion, the people that are most prone to PSSD are those that have genetic alleles that cause weak serotoninergic function.

The striatum is rich in dopamine and D1 receptors, is adjacent to the nucleus accumbens (the primary pleasure center), and is involved in movement control (and is therefore lacking dopamine in the case of Parkinson's disease).

I have learned that the striatum is also largely responsible for sexual pleasure. Furthermore, it's sex-related function is dependent upon input from serotoninergic neurons. I therefore conclude that PSSD is the result of damage to these serotoninergic neurons in the striatum, and consequent lack of dopamine release to the sex-related neurons of the striatum, and in turn, the lack of sex-related pleasure in the nucleus accumbens. The fact that there is a direct effect upon the striatum, and only an indirect effect upon the nucleus accumbens, also explains why sexual pleasure is effected by PSSD, whereas other types of pleasure (such as that of food) remain intact.

That lack of dopamine release in the striatum need not cause any Parkinsons-like symptoms, nor are such symptoms reported, because Parkinsons-like dystonia could only result from depleting dopamine from the striatum beyond it's basal level that is required for movement control. Unless a person could somehow tap this basal dopamine and use it for the sexual system, Parkinsons-like symptoms should not occur.
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
1:45 pm
okay, this is random and complicated, but i'll try to keep it simple.  it's also not about me, but i'm curious what you all think.

J has been super supportive to her cousin, K through a 3 week stay in a mental hospital and brand new bipolar diagnosis.  The rest of the family is calling K a crazy, and other such gossipy crap.  K gets out of the hospital Friday.  The family is throwing a *barbeque* Saturday to celebrate her coming home.

J was told she can come if she makes sure to leave home S, her *doubly supportive to K* lesbian girlfriend.  S is the only one involved who also has had any experience with psychiatry, etc, and has been working overtime to provide some gentle, educational perspective to the family. (whichever parts are allowed to know she exists, anyway)

J does not want to be marginalized, does not want to make a personal scene out of K's welcome-home thing (which is going to be a scene by definition, isn't it?) and does not want to abandon K.  WTF does J do?

Current Mood: confused
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
10:46 pm
national ID controversy -- how this affects you

This proposed "national ID" also, I believe, contains your MEDICAL HISTORY.

If you are a psurvivor and are trying to leave "the system" behind, you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO once this "national ID" is in place. Your medical history will be stored on this chip and your diagnosis (and "treatments") will follow you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Call Congress and say NO to the "national ID".

Thank you.

x-posted to antipsychiatry
x-posted to spiralpauper

Current Mood: gloomy
Friday, January 12th, 2007
8:45 pm
looking for a recommendation
A psych-type person (therapist, psychiatrist, I don't think it matters) in New York City/Philadelphia area who's antipsychiatry and believes that being a psurvivor is a problem-laden condition (ie panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, etc caused by their "cure" are real).

Monday, September 4th, 2006
7:07 pm
My Story

It was great to find this community.

I spent six years (from age 14-20) going through the hell of the mental health care system. I have been on dozens of meds: antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety meds. I've been hospitalized countless times, seen about half a dozen doctors, endless side effects and I can't remember large chunks of my life from that time period because of all the drugs.

The two worst things I took were clonazepam (.5 mg twice daily - I was a zombie - I am only 5' tall 120 lbs and that's a lot for a person of my size) and by far the most awful was Wellbutrin. I don't remember my dose, (60 mg twice daily, I think). Since it was the only anti depressant that worked for me long term (a year) my doctor kept me on it even when I began to hallucinate. He didn't tell me that he suspected the Wellbutrin of causing hallucinations until they became much more frequent. He didn't want to alarm me, apparently. (Supposedly in rare cases Wellbutrin can cause minor seizures which manifest as visual and auditory disturbances). Still, he didn't take me off of it, just told me to avoid low light situations and not go out when I was overtired. They didn't take me off the med until I was hospitalized because I was hallucinating all the time and unable to sleep.

Before this, I had never hallucinated. Now, even though I have been off meds for three years (with a brief period of taking antidepressants for about three months) I still hallucinate. I am convinced that my two years on Wellbutrin altered my brain chemistry.

Today I still deal with the legacy of being deemed "mentally ill." Doctors assume any complaint I have (physical) is all in my head. When I went to the hospital for stitches from an accidental cut, they asked me if it was a suicide attempt (that would've been pretty lame - plus I'd only ever tried pills before). Even though I am about to graduate from my honours bachelor of arts program seven years after they told me I'd "never be fully able to handle a normal life again" I am still being put into the category of crazy. Plus, I second guess myself all the time, wondering if they were right after all, and if I'll fall back into that hell.

Now I try to live my life as productively as possible. I still have mental problems but I manage to deal with them by taking "time outs," seeing a councellor at my university (who doesn't believe in labels and doesn't care what I was diagnosed with) and journalling.

I am hoping to find someone else who has had hallucinations from taking Wellbutrin (AKA bupropion, zyban) just to compare notes as it were.

In solidarity,
Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
9:45 am
Short introduction I guess....
I just found this place....and joined. After all of those darned lj communities full of bipolar this and psychiatric that, this seems like a relief that I'm not a weirdo.

The full storyCollapse )
Monday, June 12th, 2006
4:16 pm
Friday, April 14th, 2006
10:00 pm
I posted this to my journal and thought I would post it here as well since it was somewhat related to the group. I just had a rough night tonight and have been feeling frustrated. I want more options for all of us.. I want to know what we can do *if* there is anything that can be done to make that happen. I dont even know where, what, or how to begin. But, what they are doing now is just not enough. ~Julia

Dinner was odd.
Heather went to drop some things off at her cousins and i wasnt feeling up to meeting him so i got her to drop me off at the bookstore. For some reason I felt like i was having trouble walking around.. like really weak in the knees and dizzy. I was having a hard time catching my breath and just felt really uncomfortable in the bookstore alone. Usually I am not like this. Before heather I was used to being totally independent and doing pretty much everything on my own. So, she comes back to pick me up and we are thinking maybe the reason I am feeling so weird is because I hadnt eaten and maybe my blood sugar was low. So we pull into the closest resturant.
I get out of the car and im feeling like im in that dream like state.. not a good dream.. just a heavy fog and my perception gets all off.
We sit in a dark corner in a small two person booth. The waiter comes over and instantly i feel like im feeling overwhelmed by his energy.. just really intense. I made her order for me.. which it also totally unlike me. I was having a hard time even making eye contact w the waitor and just weird in general. Weak, confused, anxious, foggy, and sick to my stomache. Sometimes I wonder if something else is wrong with me.
But, when we have been diagnosed "mentally ill" in some way.. no matter what your complaints dr's seem to automatically associate it with your mind. I could be dying of cancer and handed a script for klonopin just bc noone wants to take the "crazy girl" seriously.
I don't really think I am dying of cancer or anything.. its just an example of why it frustrates me that their is a prejudice against people w "mental illnesses".
I think some of the weird symtoms my be attributed to the rtms i desperately tried a few months ago in Vancouver.. for those unfamiliar with it http://www.mindcarecentres.com/tms.htm . I have tried alot of other things as well from a plethera of medications to lots of natural healing stuff over the years. I dont take any meds now or see a therapist. I kinda gave up on the hope in the pretty little pills and the therapists that just spew textbook jargon that they have been fed. I know I probably sounds really negative.. i just really put alot of effort, time, thousands of dollars into alot of different treatment options and really kinda busted my ass to try and get better and ended up worse than when i started. Medications totally screwed my brain up.. i still have weird side effects. As for the rtms it claims to be side effect free yet the first several weeks of returning home i couldnt even walk up and down my stairs without feeling like i was going to pass out, was having terrible nightmares, my whole body shook on a regular basis, and I couldnt comprehend the most simple of books. I felt kind of cheated and not given all of the information. And when I called them about it for the first time a dr tried to convince me that it "must be something physical and not mental" They wouldnt take responsibilty for it in any way shape or form even though I had none of those problems previously. So, now I dont know what to do. Im hoping they will continue to subsibe with time bc it has gotten ALOT better since the rtms..(even though i was 100% better before it!) but tonight just kind of freaked me out.
Im getting really sick of not knowing how im going to feel from one moment to the next.. its jerking my emotions around and really wearing me out. There must be some kind of answer to all of this.. there must be something else that can be done beyond the medications and all the other bullshit thats out there now. Not to say they dont help some people.. But if you really look at the big picture there are more depressed/mentally ill people out there now than ever. It just makes me wonder how much really we are "advancing" and it makes me think what they are doing now is NOT enough. It isnt helping enough people. We need more options.
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
10:15 am
I've noticed various livejournal/blog memes where you take a quiz and it "tells" you what psychiatric illnesses you have. Most recently this one: http://www.depressedtest.com/ It will tell you if you're suffering from major depression, bipolar, etc. I have been overall happy for the past 3 years (since I stopped my meds and therapy), and this thing told me that I was bipolar with seasonal affective disorder. (SAD? I love snow and winter!)

I think these tests can be really dangerous. They say they're for fun, but people can take them seriously. I know when I was a teenager I took an online test like this and "diagnosed" myself with bipolar 1 and schizoaffective disorder. So when I sought out help, I went in with the idea that I had these illnesses, which of course made the psychiatrist agree and put me on high doses of medication which I really didn't need to be on!!

I think it's easy in general to diagnose yourself on the internet.

Any thoughts?
Friday, February 17th, 2006
9:27 am
FDA Advising of Risk of Birth Defects with Paxil
The Food and Drug Administration today is alerting health care professionals and patients about early results of new studies for Paxil (paroxetine) suggesting that the drug increases the risk for birth defects, particularly heart defects, when women take it during the first three months of pregnancy. Paxil is approved for the treatment of depression and several other psychiatric disorders. FDA is currently gathering additional data and waiting for the final results of the recent studies in order to better understand the higher risk for birth defects that has been seen with Paxil.

FDA is advising health care professionals to discuss the potential risk of birth defects with patients taking Paxil who plan to become pregnant or are in their first three months of pregnancy. Health care professionals should consider discontinuing Paxil (and switching to another antidepressant if indicated) in these patients. In some patients, the benefits of continuing Paxil may be greater than the potential risk to the fetus. FDA is advising health care professionals not to prescribe Paxil in women who are in the first three months of pregnancy or are planning pregnancy, unless other treatment options are not appropriate.

FDA is advising patients that this drug should usually not be taken during pregnancy, but for some women who have already been taking Paxil, the benefits of continuing may be greater than the potential risk to the fetus. Women taking Paxil who are pregnant or plan to become pregnant should talk to their physicians about the potential risks of taking the drug during pregnancy. Women taking Paxil should not stop taking it without first talking with their physician.

The early results of two studies showed that women who took Paxil during the first three months of pregnancy were about one and a half to two times as likely to have a baby with a heart defect as women who received other antidepressants or women in the general population. Most of the heart defects reported in these studies were atrial and ventricular septal defects (holes in the walls of the chambers of the heart). In general, these types of defects range in severity from those that are minor and may resolve without treatment to those that cause serious symptoms and may need to be repaired surgically.

In one of the studies, the risk of heart defects in babies whose mothers had taken Paxil early in pregnancy was about 2 percent, compared to a 1 percent risk in the whole population. In the other study, the risk of heart defects in babies whose mothers had taken Paxil in the first three months of pregnancy was 1.5 percent, compared to 1 percent in babies whose mothers had taken other antidepressants in the first three months of pregnancy.

FDA has asked the manufacturer, Glaxo Smith Kline (GSK), to change the pregnancy category from C to D, a stronger warning. Category D means that studies in pregnant women (controlled or observational) have demonstrated a risk to the fetus. However, the benefits of therapy may outweigh the potential risks to the fetus.

Based on results of the preliminary data, GSK updated the drug's labeling in September 2005 to add data from one study. As additional data have become available, the label has now been changed to reflect the latest data from the two studies and to change the pregnancy category.

Additional information concerning today's announcement is available on FDA's Web site at:
Public Health Advisory: http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/advisory/paroxetine200512.htm and
CDER Information Sheets: http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/infopage/paroxetine/default.htm.

Article source: http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/NEWS/2005/NEW01270.html via http://www.endometriosiszone.org
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
2:47 pm
Trauma pill (xposted)
From http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1373131.cms

Pop a trauma pill to erase bad memoriesCollapse )

While I have overwhelming sympathy for veterans and people who endurded a natural disaster, this sounds VERY VERY DANGEROUS.

I've had a few really traumatic things happen (heh, mostly due to the psychiatric industry, thankyouverymuch) but, I think those experiences have shaped the person I am and to remove those situations from my life seems very artificial to me.

Apparently "you'll have the memory, just not the traumatic effects of it"...which makes very little sense to me.

Say you lost your entire family in a natural disaster...how would a pill differentiate between the pain and the trauma? Would it allow normal bereavement or would it make the person completely numb to what happened? Would it hinder the ability to feel normal (negative) emotions in the future?

Another big problem I have with this, is trauma could be subjective. I fear people will want prescriptions for this for every little bad thing in their lives.
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
10:08 am
Psychiatrists and suicide (x-posted)
I was recently reading a book called Gracefully Insane and it discussed the fact that there are a lot of psychiatrists who commit suicide.

Why do you think this is? Do you think it's due to the fact that they have to deal with severely depressed people every day (and because successfully treating someone is probably pretty rare)? Do you think they get into the profession of psychiatry because they, themselves, have a "mental illness"?

Any thoughts?

Current Mood: curious
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:16 pm
Ativan... hmmm.
This is very interesting. One of the official side effects of Ativan (lorazepam) is amnesia - I just found that out. All this time I've been thinking that I can't construct a very good narrative of my experience in the psych ward because of trauma, or just a bad memory for stories. But I was also on heavy heavy doses of Ativan. If I was really bad, this patronizing nurse would make me take *2 pills of Ativan* at night - that would make me a zombie the whole next day (one pill tends to knock you out into a coma-like sleep - it's like a tsunami of unconsciousness pulling you down). One time she even came into my room with a flashlight and made me take extra Ativan. Or sometimes in the morning I'd have to take something - it might have been olanzapine, not Ativan, though - she said "good girl" after I took it. And once a nurse's aide had to feed me my peas, because I was so tranquillized - I was sitting at the table drooling. I remember how heavy my body was, how hard it was to move around. But I don't even remember the peas incident - she had to tell me later. The aide was probably the nicest person there - she had a good sense of humour and no superiority complex.

Most of my time in the hospital is a complete blur. Anything could have happened to me, probably, and there's a good chance I wouldn't recall. That's scary.

(x-posted from my journal)
Monday, December 19th, 2005
11:02 am
Did you guys find therapy to be effective?

I found it to be largely ineffective. I think that more than anything, it was just ego stroking. I'd pay someone $100 to listen to me whine for an hour, but I'd leave feeling the same. Year after year, therapist after therapist. I think it was mostly a waste of time and money.

Group therapy, on the other hand, I did find effective...especially as a teenager because it helped me realize a lot of things about what other people were going through.
Sunday, September 25th, 2005
1:40 am
I went to see a psychologist once. He charged me $160 (Canadian funds) per hour and I didn't even feel comfortable. I didn't see how he could help me. But he did tell me what the nugget of his method was: to feel and identify and express one's own emotions, to learn to heal the emotional body. So I figured I could do this on my own, which I did. I started going into my basement and crying. I started focusing entirely on my bodily sensations, and letting myself experience everything fully. I also did a detox with a far-infrared sauna, and saw an orthopaedic therapist (massage therapist) for deep tissue work to correct misalignments, particularly a hip twist incurred from a fall on my tailbone -- all my problems with so-called "depression" and "mania" started after that damn fall, mostly because I couldn't piss properly and never got any decent sleep.

This is in response to the previous post about therapists...

From spring 2002 until just a few months ago I was living a psychiatric hell. I was locked up three times against my will, given needles to sleep, given antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and tranquillizers. The fourth time I went into the hospital it was willingly, because I had a panic attack from which I couldn't escape. I don't think these therapists, or even the psychiatrists, realize the living hell we can go through. I had toxins that were affecting my thyroid, or so a medical psychic told me, explaining that was why my emotions were crazy. She said I needed to detox and express myself. The drugs made it possible for me to barely exist, but I didn't thrive, and they caused muscle cramps. I was still very sick physically, and I felt terrible about myself, and I was living only a fraction of my potential.

Now I have health and hope again, without any drugs, and I have a strong sense of the desperate need for justice, and I've found my own voice and heart. I've had to stand up for myself over and over again, and I think that's been key in healing. I don't think these therapists or doctors know much of anything about human nature, actually. I think humans are supposed to be free, and we get hurt because we trap ourselves in stupid patterns, and we ignore our bodies and our feelings. We go against our deepest impulses, and I worry that therapy often just tries to readjust us to a cruel world.

I don't believe in the "helper" and the "helped" as distinct roles, a la therapist and client; I think that creates a power dynamic. I want to be an ally and activist for the emotionally oppressed and unaided sick people (and I don't mean sick in the sense of "biochemical imbalance", I mean sick in the sense of energetic blockages or toxic buildup, things doctors don't seem to know anything about but which I have found very real in my case, after years of struggling to find some real answers).
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