Sara (laan) wrote in psurvivors,
Sara
laan
psurvivors

Ativan... hmmm.

This is very interesting. One of the official side effects of Ativan (lorazepam) is amnesia - I just found that out. All this time I've been thinking that I can't construct a very good narrative of my experience in the psych ward because of trauma, or just a bad memory for stories. But I was also on heavy heavy doses of Ativan. If I was really bad, this patronizing nurse would make me take *2 pills of Ativan* at night - that would make me a zombie the whole next day (one pill tends to knock you out into a coma-like sleep - it's like a tsunami of unconsciousness pulling you down). One time she even came into my room with a flashlight and made me take extra Ativan. Or sometimes in the morning I'd have to take something - it might have been olanzapine, not Ativan, though - she said "good girl" after I took it. And once a nurse's aide had to feed me my peas, because I was so tranquillized - I was sitting at the table drooling. I remember how heavy my body was, how hard it was to move around. But I don't even remember the peas incident - she had to tell me later. The aide was probably the nicest person there - she had a good sense of humour and no superiority complex.

Most of my time in the hospital is a complete blur. Anything could have happened to me, probably, and there's a good chance I wouldn't recall. That's scary.

(x-posted from my journal)
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